A Letter to Her who must be missing Massachusetts and to Him who has never been here

by Hiền Nga

My dearies,

yellow leaves of the Fall started to fall, all over on the red bricks, and I miss you so. maybe it’s time to sit down and write you something to remind you of Massachusetts, to remind you of the Fall here. and of me, the one who brings a part of you to this place of yellow and red, to this place where it’s going to be October very soon…

I went to Boston last weekend. the day I went to Boston was the day they marked as the beginning of the Fall, September 21. entering Boston through a tunnel, I took a deep breath of cool breeze. Boston always has that refreshing, assuring feeling that wipes away all sorrow and tiredness. I suddenly thought of you, and I could not stop wishing that I could bottle a litre of Boston air and airmail it to you. I could not stop wishing that I could bottle myself and airmail myself to you. Boston always have that feeling of a little bit hollowness, a big bit desire.

“nắng vàng, nắng vàng ơi” is exactly what it was like all day long. the weather could not be any better. that blue blue sky was just a little less than how it is in my dear rural area of Vietnam. that sunlight was nicer than anything I’ve seen. it was not the honey-like sunshine, it was a pleasant feeling that covered me in warmth and yellowness. like you when you cover me in care and protection, in sharing and inspiration. except it’s just not as sweet. I thought that Comfort Hương Nắng Mai should be made of this sunshine, at the very least, or it should be made of your smiles.

I wandered around the city, Beacon Hills and Freedom Trail and all that. my legs hurt so I stop at a tiny “park.” the “park” is just a little bigger than double the size of your room. I looked up at the “green” sky – ivies and old trees weave a sky above. my hands on the cool stone table. I felt your hands right there, so I squeezed mine. your hands… I have never really held them…

Bostonians are always, always super nice and sweet. I was kinda lost so many times (hehe, I didn’t have a GPS!). I could be lost forever without their help. they asked if I needed help and even walked me to the intersection if they worried I would be lost again (:”>). I thought to myself, if it weren’t for your existence in my life, I would have been lost too, in many aspects.

people! people! for two weeks I haven’t seen so many many people! it was so much fun seeing so many of them walking in their own paces in their own directions in their own lives, but at the same time keeping connections of all kind with one another. we are all related, we are all connected. it was a strange feeling to “see” my life in others’ lives. there are always something that we all share. this air, this city, or this bench on the train. oh yes, the station was where I saw most people and felt the greatest energy from them. most of them went on a business trip or just traveling like me. I couldn’t find any of them saying goodbye to their loved ones.

even so, the station, the feeling of deciding between leaving or staying suddenly brought me back to when we said goodbye, when your shadow vanished from my sight but your feeling still lingered with me for a little while. you turned your back and returned home, I turned my back and got on the what-ever that brought me away. every time we say goodbye… a separation is always a separation and it would never feel easy. if my arms were a little stronger and my heart was a little braver, I swear I would hold you for a little longer. just so your scent would go a little deeper into my lungs. feeling of you is never enough…

Sweet Dreams,

it doesn’t matter to me how far you are. it doesn’t matter to me how different it is where you are. when the blue shadow of the night falls on me, I think of our two pairs of legs walking under the same yellow light of the street. I lay on my bed. for some reason it would never be as soft as yours. and I sleep… oh this cozy feeling of Massachusetts…

can be a cup of hot chocolate…

or a dream…

or You

to Her who must be missing Massachusetts and to Him who has never been here. với-nhiều-yêu-thương-và-nhung-nhớ.

September 25, 2007

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